Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
