that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
