just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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