alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
