Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
