Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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