i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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