just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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