The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
