Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
