TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
