so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The Olympian is in my bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
