And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
