ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
