Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
