You can't special order awesome
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
