if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
