I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
