he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
