Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
