didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Couch. On fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
