So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
