Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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