i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
