i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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