Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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