Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
