bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
