So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
