Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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