he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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