i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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