her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
