you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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