My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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