Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
