I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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