Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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