ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You don't make any sense
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