just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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