i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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