I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
