Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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