I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
