Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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