I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
