i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
