I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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