I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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