The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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