he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
